Now What Do I Do? or
Parenting Your ADHD Child (Part 1)

If you have completed the Bible study, Coming to Terms with ADHD you realize the value of difficulties and challenges in your life. I am assuming you have chosen to "allow" the Lord to work in your life, changing you into His image. You also realize that attitude is a choice -- you can humble yourself before the Lord, meekly submitting to His discipline, or you can allow a root of bitterness to grow within you, resulting in a cessation of growth as a Christian and, in this context, failure in parenting your ADHD child.

Now it is time to explore the Word of God in more depth to find our marching orders in training our children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. In my heart, I know all the answers we seek are to be found in His Word. Let us dig deep, seek the Father's face and cry out for wisdom and direction from above as we go forth in training our children to be useful vessels for the Lord's glory.

Before you start:

• A prayerful attitude: ask the Lord for insight and understanding of His Word
• Gather the following tools:
  1. Bible in one or two translations
  2. Dictionary (Webster's 1828 or Bible Dictionary recommended)
  3. Pen and notebook to record your thoughts
  4. Copy of this Bible study (permission is granted to print out for personal use)
• If you do the Bible study online, after clicking on a Bible verse or definition hyper link, just click on "Back" to return to your place in the study.

Lesson 1: Do You Have a Vision for Your Child?
Lesson 2: What is Your Responsibility?
Lesson 3: Anger
Lesson 4: Our Father's Example
Lesson 5: Wisdom from Above
Scripture References and Definitions

Lesson 1: Do You Have a Vision for Your Child?

"Where there is no vision, the people perish (or have no restraint)..."
Proverbs 29:18

I really believe we should have a vision for our children. If this sounds too spiritual, it isn't. It is something that is given by God to those who seek Him: "Ask and you shall receive..." (Matthew 7:7) It is really as simple as seeing your children from the Lord's perspective: He created them for good works and will fulfill His purpose in their lives.

1. Define vision.

2. Read Psalms 139:13-16. Who created your child? What do these verses say about your child?

3. What does v. 16b say about the Lord's involvement in your child's future?

4. Read Matthew 19:13-15, Mark 9:36-37, and Luke 18:15-16. How does the Lord view children?

5. Read Matthew 18:10-14, esp. v. 14. What do these verses say about children? What is the heart of Father God toward them?

6. Read Acts 2:37-39 and Acts 16:31. What promise is available for your children?

5. Read Isaiah 46:10-11 and Proverbs 19:21.

a. What do these verses say about God's purposes?

b. Do you truly think ADD/ADHD will hinder the Lord from accomplishing His plans for your child?

2. Now pray over each of your children, asking the Lord to give you a vision for their lives. Write down whatever you believe the Lord has shown you: gifts, talents or callings you believe were given by the Lord for each of your children*. This vision should line up with the Word of God.

1. Child 1:__________________________________________________
2. Child 2:__________________________________________________
3. Child 3:__________________________________________________
4. Child 4:__________________________________________________
5. Child 5:__________________________________________________

*Use a separate piece of paper for additional children.

I believe you should seek the Lord for a vision for each of your children, if you do not already have a revelation of each child's gifts and talents as given by the Lord when He formed them. While we are given a peek into the Lord's purpose for our children, we are never expected to "mold" our children to fit this vision. This work belongs to the Lord. (Our job is to provide useful vessels for the Lord's work.) This vision is given to us for encouragement: The Lord means good and not bad for our children, and His purposes will be accomplished and His plans will prevail.

We must also remember, while in the midst of circumstances that appear contrary to this vision, that the Lord will bring about what He has planned for your child. We must keep the vision ever before us as we train our children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Lesson 2: What is Your Responsibility?

1. Read Deuteronomy 4:9. What are you commanded to do?

2. Read Deuteronomy 6:6-9. What are you to do with the Lord's commandments?

3. Read Matthew 22:37-40. What is the greatest commandment in the Law? This is what you are to teach your children.

4. Read Ephesians 6:4. How are you to raise your children?

Let us look deeper into the meaning of this verse. The King James Version uses the words "nurture and admonition" in the place of "discipline and instruction" in Ephesians 6:4. The Hebrew from which "nurture" is translated is paidela which means "disciplinary correction: chastening, chastisement, instruction, nurture." The Hebrew from which "admonition" is translated is kuwn meaning "make ready, prepare, be fitted, make provision, confirm, direct." Let us look at the meanings* of the following words for further understanding of the enormous scope of the Christian parent's job:

• nurture: to educate; to bring or train up.
• chastening: 1) to correct by punishment, to punish; to inflict pain for the purpose of reclaiming an offender; 2) to afflict by other means; and 3) to purify from errors or faults.
• chastise: 1)to correct by punishing; to inflict pain by stripes, or in other manner; 2) to reduce to order or obedience; and 3) to correct.
• instruction: 1) the act of teaching or informing the understanding in that of which it was before ignorant; 2) precepts conveying knowledge; and 3) direction; order; command; mandate.
• admonition: gentle reproof; counseling against a fault; instruction in duties; caution; direction.

*Source: Webster's 1828 Dictionary.

5. Make a list of all aspects of child training you see revealed in these definitions:

1. ____________________
2. ____________________
3. ____________________
4. ____________________
5. ____________________
6. ____________________
7. ____________________
8. ____________________
9. ____________________
10. ____________________

6. Read Proverbs 13:24. What will you do if you truly love your children?

7. Read Proverbs 19:18 and Proverbs 23:13-14. What might happen if you fail to discipline your children?

8. Read Proverbs 22:15. What is used to drive foolishness from the heart of a child?

The rod mentioned in so many verses is derived from the Hebrew word shebet which literally means "a stick".

9. Read Proverbs 29:15. What happens to a child who is left to himself (undisciplined)?

10. Read Proverbs 29:17 and Proverbs 22:6. What are the benefits of disciplining your children?

At this point, I am sure you see the benefit of disciplining your children. What remains is the nitty gritty of everyday child training. You have tried spanking your children and it doesn't work. You have tried time out, restrictions, lost privileges and nothing seems to work. The Lord would never give you a child that could not be trained and disciplined. Remember that!

Lesson 3: Anger

1. Read Ephesians 6:4 again. Who is this scripture aimed at? I am going to be bold and state that I believe it applies to fathers AND mothers (the Greek word it is translated from, "pater", means "father, parent").

2. What does this scripture exhort parents not to do?

3. Define enrage.

4. Make a brief list* of situations where your ADHD child becomes enraged, frustrated or angry (okay, throws a temper tantrum).

1. __________________________________________________________
2. __________________________________________________________
3. __________________________________________________________
4. __________________________________________________________
5. __________________________________________________________

*Save this list for the next lesson.

Now go back and place a large star beside the situations where you are involved (correction, giving commands, struggling with chores or responsibilities, spanking, ending a favorite activity, etc.). These are situations where you are to apply Ephesians 6:4. The other times (frustration while playing, building, creating or aggressive behavior toward siblings) are areas where discipline (teaching and training) will be needed.

I know that our ADHD children are prone to outbursts of temper more than the typical child, but this does not negate the Word of God. I believe there are ways to reduce the number of such outbursts with creative parenting skills. Let us address anger in the parent:

5. Read Psalm 37:8. What does this verse tell you about anger?

6. Read Psalm 103:8-13. What example has the Lord given us as a father? (We will list these characteristics in the next lesson.)

7. Read James 1:19-20. List the three things this verse exhorts you to do:

"The anger of man does not bring about the righteous life God desires..." (James 2:20) This is a powerful verse of scripture. I truly believe we can apply this to child training: if we desire righteous behavior from our children, it will not be achieved by anger. In the next lesson, we will go into more detail about what will produce righteous behavior in our children. Remember, God's Word does not promise immediate results, but that our children will not forget what they were taught when they are "old".

Lesson 4: Our Father's Example

1. Reread Psalm 103:8-13. List the characteristics shown in this passage of scripture that Father God possesses:

2. Let us examine these characteristics that the Lord models for us in more depth. Define each of these terms:

1. compassionate:
   
   
   
   
2. gracious:
   
   
   
   
3. slow to anger - patient:
   
   
   
   
4. abounding in mercy (KJV) - merciful:
   
   
   
   

3. And yet, the Lord disciplines us. Hebrews 12:5-11 describes the work of discipline in our lives. According to this passage of scripture, what is the importance of discipline?

4. Define discipline.

We see the example God has given us as our Heavenly Father: he is compassionate, tender, merciful, slow to anger and quick to forgive, patient with our faults and disciplines us in complete wisdom. He is never harsh and condemning. We should desire to model our parenting after Him at all times.

Lesson 5: Wisdom from Above

1. Read James 1:2-8. Now that you are considering it all joy to be challenged with raising an ADHD child, it is time to focus on how. Reread James 1:5. What is the first step in your quest for direction on how to successfully bring your ADHD child(ren) up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord?

2. Define wisdom.

3. Read James 1:6-8. Is your relationship with the Lord such that you KNOW you will receive wisdom from above?

4. Read Daniel 11:32. What benefits will you derive from truly knowing God? (For suggestions on knowing God, see excerpt from Is Jesus in the Boat? or How to Weather the Storm)

5. Make a list of several challenging areas of child training for which you need wisdom from above.

1. Problem:_________________________________________________________ Solution:__________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________________
2. Problem:_________________________________________________________ Solution:__________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________________
3. Problem:_________________________________________________________ Solution:__________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________________
4. Problem:_________________________________________________________ Solution:__________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________________
5. Problem:_________________________________________________________ Solution:__________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________________

6. Now ask the Lord for wisdom* in each of these areas (or just choose one at this time -- I recommend the most urgent area). Record any ideas on the chart above. If you want to wait until you have completed the rest of this Bible study, you can come back to this activity later. Don't forget it, though. All wisdom must come from above or it will not bear everlasting fruit.

*How will this wisdom come? Occasionally, I will receive insight directly from the Lord by the Holy Spirit. Other times the Lord will bring something I have heard or read to my remembrance. Remember: wisdom is not knowing something but knowing how to properly use what you know. Record what you receive from the Lord immediately.

Scripture References and Definitions

James 1:2-8 - "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does." (NIV)

James 1:5 - If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." (NIV)

wisdom - a) the right use or exercise of knowledge; the choice of laudable (praiseworthy, commendable) ends, and of the best means to accomplish them;
b) it is the faculty of discerning or judging what is most just, proper and useful; and
c) it is the knowledge and use of what is best, most just, most proper, most conducive to prosperity or happiness.

James 1:6-8 - "But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does." (NIV)

Daniel 11:32 - "...but the people who know their God shall be strong, and do exploits." (NIV)

Know Your God - "Maybe you are going where Jesus led you, but you derive no comfort from knowing Jesus is in your boat. Is it possible that you don't really know your God. Do you know of His character, love, holiness, majesty, power, wisdom, justice, mercy, that He is slow to anger, quick to forgive, all-knowing, the wonderful counselor, mighty God. Do you know your God? Do you know the Great Shepherd's voice, and do you obey? You can know the Lord through immersing yourself in the Word of God. You must renew your mind, washing away all worldliness, all human reasoning, and putting on the mind of Christ. Know your God, and He will always be in the boat." (Excerpt from Is Jesus in the Boat? or How to Weather the Storm)

vision - a revelation from God.

Psalms 139:13-16 - "For You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." (NIV)

Psalms 139:16b - "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." (NIV)

Matthew 19:13-15 - "Then little children were brought to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked those who brought them. Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.' When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there." (NIV)

Mark 9:36-37 - "He took a little child and had him stand among them. Taking him in his arms, he said to them, 'Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me.'" (NIV)

Luke 18:15-16 - "People were also bringing babies to Jesus to have him touch them. When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. But Jesus called the children to him and said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.'" (NIV)

Matthew 18:10-14 - "See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven. What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost." (NIV)

Acts 2:37-39 - "When the people heard this, they were cut to the heart and said to Peter and the other apostles, 'Brothers, what shall we do?' Peter replied, 'Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off--for all whom the Lord our God will call.'" (NIV)

Acts 16:31 - "They replied, 'Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved--you and your household.'" (NIV)

Isaiah 46:10-11 - "My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please...What I have said, that will I bring about; what I have planned, that will I do." (NIV)

Proverbs 19:21 - "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." (NIV)

enrage - to excite rage in; to exasperate; to provoke to fury or madness,; to make furious.

Psalm 37:8 - "Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret -- it leads only to evil." (NIV)

Psalm 103:8-13 - "The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him." (NIV)

James 1:19-20 - "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." (NIV)

compassionate - "Having a temper or disposition to pity; inclined to show mercy; merciful; having a heart that is tender, and easily moved by the distresses, sufferings, wants and infirmities of others."

gracious - "Favorable; kind; friendly; benevolent; merciful; disposed to forgive offenses and impart unmerited blessings; expressing kindness and favor."

patient - "Having the quality of enduring evils without murmuring or fretfulness; sustaining afflictions of body or mind with fortitude, calmness or christian submission to the divine will; not easily provoked; calm under the sufferance of injuries or offenses; not revengeful; persevering; constant in pursuit or exertion; calmly diligent; not hasty; not over eager or impetuous; waiting or expecting with calmness or without discontent."

merciful - "Having or exercising mercy; compassionate; tender; disposed to pity offenders and to forgive their offenses; unwilling to punish for injuries; unwilling to give pain; not cruel."

Hebrews 12:5-11 - "And have you forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: 'My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.' Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." (NIV)

discipline - "to instruct or educate; to inform the mind; to prepare by instructing in correct principles and habits; to teach rules and practice, and accustom to order and subordination; to correct; to chastise; to punish; to advance and prepare by instruction.

Deuteronomy 4:9 - "Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them." (NIV)

Deuteronomy 6:6-9 - "These commandments that I give to you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates. (NIV)

>Matthew 22:37-40 - "Jesus replied, '"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: "Love your neighbor as yourself." All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.'" (NIV)

Ephesians 6:4 - "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord" (NIV)

Proverbs 13:24 - "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him." (NIV)

Proverbs 19:18 - "Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death." (NIV)

Proverbs 22:15 - "Folly (or foolishness) is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him." (NIV)

Proverbs 29:15 - "The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother." (NIV)

Proverbs 29:17 - "Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul." (NIV)

Proverbs 23:13 - "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death." (NIV)

Proverbs 22:6 - "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." (NIV)

Definitions are from the Noah Webster's 1828 American Dictionary of the English Language.

©Copyright 2006 by ADHD of the Christian Kind. Permission granted to print out for personal use only. May not be distributed without Express Permission.

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