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Outbursts of Anger, Tantrums and Mood Swings

NOTICE: The following posts are taken from the Christian ADHD List discussions. The names, e-mail addresses and locations of all parties involved have been removed to protect their privacy. The posts have been used with permission, but are copyrighted by ADHD of the Christian Kind.

We are raising two of our grandchildren children whom we have adopted them. Their ages are 11, 9, and 6. The 11 year old is a boy, and the other two are girls. The 6 year old has spina bifida, but gets around just fine. The children do not see their bio parents. No contact. The 6 year old knows only us as her parents, although she knows she is adopted. The 9 year old says she has no memories, and the 11 year old does have some. Therein is part of our problems with him.

He is our most troublesome child. Since the age of three I could see the beginnings of problems. His mom ignored it. Finally after she left, and he was in preschool, he became more and more disruptive.After reading your post I see he has many things in commom with some of the children on this list.

Consequences mean nothing to him. He can take an hour to do one math problem. He hates to write. Can't get thoughts down on paper. Mind is constantly on violent things. Intimidates his youngest sister. Has hit me in the past, not as much right now. Throws tantrums. No impulse control.

My husband and I are at the end of our rope in trying to find out what is really wrong with him, and what will really work for him. Our mornings can really be pure h--------. He scares my youngest so much, she will do anything to appease him.

Well, I have so much more to add, but need to stop for now. I have been reading the posts and I see that others are facing much the same things. How on earth do you all cope? I rely on prayer and support of my husband, but it is really tough going! I am hoping to hear from other in similar situations. Thank you so much for listening.

Wow! This is amazing. I opened up this digest email praying there would be someone on here that would understand what I'm going though, and lo and behold here is MY situation. My son is 12 and has anger outbursts like you wouldn't believe. It's like he swings from Silly to Angry and you never know what your going to get.

I found out the hard way that pure sugar (hard candy) is a HUGE demon in our family. Our 12yo son can't seem to digest it. I've researched how kids act with sugar sensitivities and emotional problems are listed along with headaches and dizziness. AND it seems like they CAN"T leave the sugar alone. It's like a drug, thier brains release endorphins which make them feel happy. This is why my son sneaks sugar (it is my belief), we have a doc appt tomorrow to find out.

Anyway.. Every Thursday he gets up in very angry moods and last thursday we had to drag him to the Van because he was having a melt down because he wanted Bacon that his brother already ate, even though we had MORE unopened bacon that we offered him. Somehow he's getting a hold of candy at church, so we've had to pull him from the Youth group for the time being.

Well, last Thursday he got into a fight with a boy that threw a basketball in his face. He used his tae kwon do on him in the hall. He was suspended from school for 1 day. I decided to handle this as a serious offense. He thought he was "just going to be grounded" but instead he got up at 6am on his suspension day and wrote a 5 page paper on Anger Management and Bullying. He had to present the paper to the Principal AND he had to write an apology letter to the boy he hurt and read it in front of class. He, of course, has no tv/gaming priviledges and he learned a LOT about bullying. He starts meeting with his Middle school pastor Thursday and he's to "give back" by way of restitution by volunteering in a Wednesday night Royal Rangers class. We're just praying he remembers this the next time he is met with a situation that could turn violent.

I am also starting to devote one on one time with him. We have a secret hand shake and I'm reading "the wounded spirit" by Frank Peretti and every night before bed we read a devotion from his Youth Study Bible. I find he really looks forward to that time with just he and I laying in the bed, it's never more than 15 minutes but it's HIS time, No brother, No daddy. I find this is keeping him from outbursting to much.

One thing we normally do is Ignore him if he does break down. I found if we get upset and fuss he gets worse and it lasts longer. We normally just calmly tell him to go "work out his feelings in his bedroom and we'll be here when he feels like he can talk calmly"

I read Dr. Phil's book "Family First" and it really opened my eyes to the fact that if one of the members of the family have a problem, the whole family is diseased because families work as 1 unit. I would highly recommend his book it explains a lot of issues families face and then gives really great advice on how to change things in your family.

I will remember you in my prayers, I know we are all dealing with simular issues and at to me it's comforting to know there are people that understand.

I wanted to respond to the string on "coping skills". I don't post often, but I read the digest regularly and it is a blessing to know I am not alone and to read the tips you all offer. Ds#1 is 8, ds# 2 is 7 and dd is 5. DH is ADHD and I'm TIRED! SO there can sometimes be a real shortage of "coping skills" in the house (try Fri. 5AM after Thurs evening service that ends at 10 or 11PM).

DH did not learn many coping skills growing up so my efforts to teach the children are sometimes sabotaged by his lack of them. What to do?

I do employ the use of transition time, countdowns and warnings b4 I get to the "yelling point" (nice term) as well as trying to build in good food and lots of rest. I also talk about some of the fits as a heart issus. We had the exact same sceneario when it was ds-8 turn to do the dishes. It made us angry to have such an outburstbut we really appealed to his heart attitude toward being asked to help in our family.

EffectiveParenting.org (Scott Turansky) is a good website and offers a daily tip on dealing with kids from a heart perspective not just behavior managment.

Thanks again You all for all the support you don't even know you give me as the mother and wife to this crew

My son is 10 and the school principal asked to get him evaluated for adhd due to lack of attention, outburts, inappropriate comments to classmates, disrespect towards teachers, etc. We found a wonderful christian counselor who recommended reading Boundaries for Kids by Drs Townsend & Cloud. They give great techniques and examples. I wished I would have had this book since my child was a baby! It does take lots of resolve to stick with it and creativity. My son did not like it at first, he threw tantrums; but I do see a difference and the teachers do too! Praise God for his direction. My prayers that God will guide you and give you strength.

My husband and I pray a lot as well. I have a friend that is a single parent and has a child adhd/bipolar. The things she has dealt with I could not imagine dealing with on my own. My son and daughter are also adopted. They were my younger sister's kids. We are trying so hard to not repeat the cycle. I know God gave us these children and knew that we would take care of them. I know he has a purpose and a plan for their life. It is the promises that he gave me about their future that I rely on keeping my sanity. I know when I have doubted wondering if maybe we were not the best match for these kids I remember his promises. I know that satan likes to let thoughts of doubt come across. I have to say thank you to _____ for reminding me that God entrusted the children to us because he knew we could take care of them. Sometimes the responsibility as a parent is overwhelming. My husband and I have difficulty going somewhere with out the kids because we cannot trust to leave them alone with their grandmother. They will sneak out and take off and then we cannot find them. I never thought I would need a baby sitter for my 16 year old. So majority of the time the kids are with us. I know we need to figure a way to get some time without them in order to just renew mind, soul and spirit. Keeping you in my prayers.

When I was reading your letter, I thought you were talking about my son. He is 11 also. He pretty much doesn't have any coping skills either. I hate to say this, but he's just not very pleasant to be around, most of the time. His moods are always changing. He's currently on Focalin. He just started this med about 2 months ago. He doesn't like it because he says that it makes him sleepy. He had been on Concerta for several years, but his pediatrician suggested we try the Focalin. I haven't seen any difference in him. Sure, he's not hyper and hanging from the ceiling when on the Concerta or Focalin, but what about the mood changes, the defiance, it drives me crazy! I'm so tired of looking for answers. What can we attribute to adolescence, or pre-teenage drama? I've gotten to a point, where I don't know how to pray for him. I've asked the Lord to reveal to me what I need to do, but I don't have my answer yet. So, until I get one, I will keep seeking the Lord. It just helps knowing that I'm not alone.

Wow! what is it with these 11 year olds. Mine has been very challenging lately also. He just doesn't want to do anything he is asked and anything that has to do with learning responsibility is such a chore for me to pass on to him. I know my job is to train him up to become a responsible adult but it would be so much easier to give him his Gameboy now and have peace and quiet while I do everything that needs to be done but that would only make my job harder in the long run. For us, any time on electronic games = defiance and disobediance afterwards for days. I really have to limit his exposure to this stuff.

ditto...my 13 yos as well. You have just described him. They have been gone in _____ for a 4 day retreat! It has been so peaceful around here. How sad. I should be excited about him coming home. I will pray for your son as well.

It's hard to read all of these emails talking of how these 11 yr old (mostly, and they are most boys) are having anger issues and NOT think it may have something to do with Hormones. I mean my 11 yr old used to have temper tantrums when he was younger but NEVER to this degree and I believe now that his are alot to do with Sugar. I am in NO WAY any shape or form Anti medication. I believe that every family is unique and they ultimately do what is best for them, as God would have them do. I think it's great if you can teach a child alternative techniques but I think it's unrealistic to believe that EVERY family has the ability to teach their children this. I am upset that the Insurance companies won't pay for therapy for these type children, but they will pay for the expensive drugs and I wonder if a doc should put a child that is obviously going through hormonal changes on a Mood alternating drug.. but I am sure they are taking in the child's history with mood swings.

As far as the "College age kids popping ADHD pills becuse they were taught to cope that way" I can't disagree with that statement enough. I don't believe that parents use medications and ONLY medications. I mean we are on this list to bounce idea's off each other and learn techniques that have worked, it would be very dangerous in today's world to NOT teach our children how to cope. Besides that... ADHD drugs do not help our ADHD kids to stay up all night, they work the opposite.

I really hope I read your email wrong because I have personally seen families break up because they had No "unique" idea's to teach thier kids, and/or their kids didn't wanna learn what their parents are teaching. My ex best friend has 1 adder and 1 bad ADHD with anger problems and she was so anti meds it wasn't funny. She almost lost her husband. I've seen families at my church break up because they refuse to take their child to get tested for fear of "labeling" and having to be "forced" to put their kids on ritalin to go to school. They lost their marriage over the stress..

I am NOT saying that Medication is for everyone, but I think it's somewhat irresponsible to lead people to only do behavior therapy. I try my best to teach my boys "coping skills" and they are resistant and they are ON meds. We slip in anti drug talks everytime life allows us to. (we've had the sit down serious talk about drugs) and I can safely say that my kids are NOT going to Pop any type of pills to stay awake and study for finals just because they were "taught" to cope by taking ADHD meds.

ok.. Now I'm off my soap box..

Take care have a great weekend and let's join together and pray for these 11 yr olds. They have a rough time during this time, the school systems are very rough in this country and when you put thirty 11 yr olds together and they ALL have hormonal anger problems it's bound to be a tough life. Let's face it.. middle school kids are mean at this age and sometimes our kids are the brunt of those problems.

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