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Inside the Brain of a Hyperactive Homeschooler

by Israel Wayne

Some parents say "I could never homeschool my children; they can't sit still, and I can't stand to be around them!" For some reason, parents with hyperactive children feel that their child's behavior is unique to humanity, and no one else has ever faced the task of raising an energetic child. On the contrary, high strung kids go back as far as creation. I am living proof that a child can be successfully home educated even if they are hyperactive. In fact, the Bible is filled with stories of hyperactive homeschoolers.

Take David for example. He was so energetic, his mother sent him to the fields everyday to kill lions and bears. (David was obviously a hands-on learner.) Or can you imagine being Samson's parent and having to explain to your Philistine neighbors why your son was always beating up their children? "Well, we use the Montessori method with Sam." And I've always pictured John the Baptist's mom reading John Holt books, feeling like unschooling was the only alternative for her son. Besides the school board would insist he wear normal clothes, and start eating cafeteria lunches!

All joking aside, training an overactive child is no laughing matter. Many parents feel frustrated and wish that their children could just be normal. Don't be discouraged! If handled properly, a hyperactive child can grow up to be a productive member of society; they may even write a column in a homeschooling journal.

The first thing I would like to emphasize is the fact that God likes to use hyperactive people! God commands us to "Love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind." (Deut. 6:5) God actually commands us to give Him a wholehearted effort. A hyperactive child does everything with gusto! They always make their presence known. The goal of parents is to work with the child's God-given energy, not destroy it.

I think it is important that we differentiate between being energetic and rebellious. An active mind and body are definitely gifts from God. Vitality and excitement should be welcomed and not quenched. However, sometimes the term "Hyperactive" can be a professional excuse for rebellion and outright disobedience. A scriptural term is foolishness. "Foolishness is bound into the heart of the child, but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him." (Proverbs 22:15) In my case, my mother had to determine when I had crossed the line from simply being energetic, to being out of control and unrestrained. Application of the rod can seem so outdated in our modern, "Enlightened" society, but it is amazing how simple and effective it is. Being consistent is the key. A strong-willed child, will always test the boundaries to find out what they can get away with, and if a parent is inconsistent with their discipline there will be no restraining that child.

When I was a child, my mother spent every waking moment trying to keep me out of trouble. I always wanted to know, "What would happen if..." I had an inquisitive mind that ran constantly, and when I was bored (which was most of the time) I would look for ways to entertain myself.

Once I caught my room on fire doing an electronics experiment, which is part of the reason I was banned from those fun looking "Science lab in your backyard" programs. The very first computer we purchased was a Mac SE (only found in antique stores nowadays) which Mom bought for work. She kept it in her office and emphasized the fact that it was not for entertainment, and it was not a toy! Well, she didn't specifically say that I couldn't use it, she only said it wasn't for playing games. After a few minutes of throwing icons in the trash, which I thought was great fun, Mom discovered that two months of work had gone somewhere into the black hole of cyberspace. (I was only trying to see what would happen!) When I was about four years old, I untuned every stringed instrument in our church, 10 minutes before the service. (There was not a joyful noise that day!) A few years later I pulled the church fire alarm...during opening prayer. We had people at the altar, and the pastor didn't even give an invitation.

When I was about ten, I welcomed the new lady next door to the neighborhood, by hitting a baseball through her kitchen window...during breakfast. How was I supposed to know she worked for the school board? I was even hyperactive as a toddler. Mom said when I was eighteen months old, I escaped from my crib, left the house, and went wandering through the neighborhood during a snowstorm. Our neighbor noticed me and brought me home, giving my mother a lecture about being an irresponsible parent. A few weeks later I drank lighter fluid and consumed a few bottles of pills. I ruined all mom's hairpins in the electric outlets. Or then there was the time...well, I think you get the point!

I remember a teacher asking my mother "Do you know what ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) is?" Of course, my mother did. "Well, your son has an extreme case of ADHD! He ought to see a professional." I didn't know what ADHD meant, and I supposed that I must have a rare disease that would probably kill me in a matter of days. Later that evening, after I had willed off all my toys, I asked Mom what was wrong with me. I knew she was trying to keep the truth from me, but I could handle it. "What is ADHD?" I asked, with a pathos in my voice that would've brought tears to the hardest heart. "It means", she answered nonchalantly, "the teacher thought you were misbehaving." "You mean I'm not going to die!" I exclaimed. "Not unless you act like that again." she replied, still ignoring my antics.

I was amazed that professionals had gone through all that trouble to invent a secret code for misbehavior, so they could talk about it without children knowing. It reminded me of when my parents used to spell out B-E-D-T-I-M-E because they thought I didn't know what those letters meant. I may not have known spelling, but I knew that meant it was time to scream, kick, and avoid sleep at all costs. The other word I always knew was I-C-E C-R-E-A-M. When Ice Cream was spelled, that meant only the adults ate it, and the kids got B-E-D-T-I-M-E.

I learned later that professionals don't use codes, they invent labels with which they can categorize children and stereotype them. Public education has specialized in putting children in educational boxes and making them fit a certain mold. The problem with that environment is that children can't reach their fullest potential if they are constantly being told they are incapable. I'm thankful that I didn't have to grow up with the stigma of being labeled. My mother knew my unique challenges, and she was sensitive to them, but she never allowed me to use a label as a crutch. Instead of overcoming my struggles, I probably would have been content to say "I'm dyslexic, I have ADHD, my mind works faster than my motor skills, I stutter, I can't concentrate, I can't learn, I can't read, I'm just stupid".

A wonderful thing about home education is that the true "professionals", (the parents), are constantly observing their children and are available to give the loving support needed to overcome the difficulties. It's important that parents don't make excuses for bad behavior. If my parents had said, "Israel has a chemical imbalance, so we can't expect him to mind", I would have been a literal terror. My mother always knew the difference between being active and being unruly. There is never an excuse for dishonor or disobedience. You would be surprised how much restraint hyperactive children can display when they know the "rod of correction" is available to drive foolishness "far from them". Does this mean that children should be spanked every time they get excited? If so, we wouldn't have accomplished much else when I was growing up. There has to be a certain amount of tolerance given to children or else they will become bitter, but children should always know what behavior is appropriate and what isn't.

Most of my years growing up, my mother was the only parent, so all discipline fell to her. She allowed us to have fun, but when she indicated that things needed to calm down, we knew that meant immediately. She wasn't the type of parent who would tell the child three times before expecting a response. If action didn't follow instruction, parental reaction instituted intervention, which would necessitate immediate application of the disciplinary utensil (a wooden spoon), followed by profuse confession, admission, and finally restoration. This plan worked quite successfully, and after a while we began to see a pattern. When Mom speaks, and we ignore her, we get spanked. When we obey, we don't get spanked. Soon people were asking my mother "How do you get your children to obey you on the first request?" The trick was, she convinced us that she wasn't speaking just to hear her lips flap.

I don't want you to get the feeling that my mother was overbearing or severely strict. She wasn't. In fact, other mothers complained that they spanked their children twice as much, as my mother, but they didn't have the same results. Because Mom was so consistent, she rarely had to discipline us. She just spoke...once.

Keep in mind that there is a definite difference between rebellion and being lively. Rebellion, if not dealt with, will explode and become uncontrollable in the teen years. Children who have never been expected to obey will not suddenly become polite responsive individuals at adolescence. Proverbs 13:24 says "He that spareth the rod hateth his son, but he that loveth him chasteneth him in good season." By refusing to immediately deal with rebellion, parents teach their children to disobey and dishonor them. If rebellion is dealt with at an early age, parents won't need to worry as much about hyperactivity in the teen years.

In my case, I wasn't purposefully obnoxious or unruly, I was just full of energy and had a hard time restraining myself when a thought popped into my head. When I thought something, I did it (or said it). When I was three for example, our Sunday school teacher asked my class "What do you want to be when you grow up?". Each child took their turn with standard answers like "I want to be a farmer, or an astronaut, or the President". When my turn came, I innocently stated "I want to be fat and ugly, like Mr. Ross (Our church deacon)". Laughter filled the classroom as the teacher tried to control the pandemonium. I know I didn't have very lofty aspirations, but I answered truthfully. From my point of view, Mr. Ross was the pinnacle of the evolutionary process.

Most children probably would have been severely punished for such a remark, but my mom knew that I really liked Mr. Ross and meant no harm in what I said. Instead of spanking me, she merely worked on helping me improve my social graces.

Knowing how to respond to hyperactivity is the real key. Learning the balance between knowing when to discipline, when to instruct, and when to just lighten up and laugh is the challenge facing parents of hyperactive children. When I did something outrageous or embarrassing, my mother would have to evaluate my motives. Was I being disobedient, disrespectful, inconsiderate, selfish, etc., or were my intentions pure?

Sometimes parents care more about their own image than they do about the development of the child. My mother never disciplined me simply because I had embarrassed her (which I did consistently), but she was always concerned for my spiritual wellbeing.

A good illustration of this would be an evening meal we had when I was four. My parents were concerned about making a good impression on our dinner guests and reminded us that they weren't Christians so we needed to set a good example. The family finally arrived for dinner and we all sat around the table to eat. Their family wasn't used to praying before the meal, but they politely allowed us to thank the Lord for our food. While we were praying I peeked a glance at the man and his wife who were looking at each other rather nervously. After the prayer, there was an awkward moment of silence as no one really knew what to say next. I was frustrated by the fact that no one was talking; so I, never at a loss of words, proceeded to get to the heart of the problem. "Mister, you're goin' to hell, and so is your wife, and so is your kids." My mom choked and stuffed a biscuit in my mouth, and my dad remembered something he had left on the burner. Their whole family turned a dark shade of purple, and we finished the rest of the meal in virtual silence. When they left that evening I nearly cried, realizing the perilous destiny of this family and our complete failure to communicate it to them. Now, some parents would have waited until their guests were safely in their car and out of ear shot, and then proceeded to beat the devil out of their child. My Mom, however, knew my intentions, and although I had completely embarrassed her, she didn't punish me. In the overall scheme of things, she didn't punish me for a lot of the things I did, because they weren't acts of rebellion or disobedience, they simply indicated that I needed to learn appropriate restraint.

She would always sit me down and explain a better means of handling the situation. If I ever did repeated a mistake that we had discussed, it showed that I had crossed the line from ignorance to disobedience or apathy. Disobedience and apathy were punishable.

The good news is eventually hyperactive children become teenagers, and in most cases, hyperactivity swings to the other extreme. As teens go through puberty they rarely have enough energy to tie their shoes, and they usually quit swinging from the rafters around this age. After all, God only gives teens enough hormones to eat, sleep, and grow. In fact, for most parents, it is a struggle to get their teenagers to wake up at 11:00 am to do school work or chores. I tried to explain this phenomena to my mother. "You see Mom, I only have x amount of strength, and I can either use it to clean my room or grow canoe-sized feet; right now the feet are a priority." To which Mom would respond, "I'm the one who buys the $80 shoes for your canoe sized feet, and if you want a new pair, you had better clean your room."

In all seriousness, as long as children are taught to respect and honor their parents, obey when they are instructed, restrict themselves to appropriate behavior, and use their energies in a positive direction; they can be kind, respectful, obedient, and productive individuals. I was about as hyperactive as they come, but I didn't need drugs or psychotherapy; I simply needed proper guidance, training and discipline. As we all know, when you train a child in the way he should go, when he is old, he won't depart from his training.

Israel Wayne is a homeschooled graduate who currently serves as the Marketing Director for the national publication "HOME SCHOOL DIGEST."

Home School Digest

©Copyright 2006 by ADHD of the Christian Kind.