HOME What's New! Blog Online Bookstore Site Map Departments ADDults Parents Teens Homeschoolers Teachers Articles All Articles ADDults Parents Teens Bible Studies All Bible Studies Coming to Terms with ADHD Parenting Your ADHD Child - Part 1 Parenting Your ADHD Child - Part 2 Who's the Boss for Parents Helping Your Child Understand Authority Helping Your Child Deal with Frustration Helping Your Child Deal with Anger Helping Your Child Learn to Serve Education Education School: Rights! Homeschooling Homeschoolers Email List Just for Teachers Archived Discussions Email Lists List Descriptions List Archives ADD Hope - All ADDults Parenting - PreK - High Schcool Bipolar Disorder Alternative Treatments Homeschooling - All In His Image Free Resources All Free Resources ADDults Parents Chore Charts & Task Lists Schedules Reward Charts Reading Challenge Biblical Rules & Consequences Teens Homeschoolers Teachers In His Image About Us Statement of Faith Usage Guidelines Contact Us Helpful Links Advanced Search

Site designed by
Waymarks Internet Solutions

Coping Skills for Children

NOTICE: The following posts are taken from the Christian ADHD List discussions. The names, e-mail addresses and locations of all parties involved have been removed to protect their privacy. The posts have been used with permission, but are copyrighted by ADHD of the Christian Kind.

Our son exhibits zero coping skills. The smallest thing switches his moods. The mention of homework throws him into orbit. Asking our 11 year old to put his dish in the sink one would think we asked him to do hard labor. He has become very disrespectful and asking him to do anything of effort changes his mood to defiant and angry.

He had been doing well for a few years. He was on Concerta and ability for his explosive behavior. Then he developed tics. Constant blinking and neck movement. We took him to a neurologist and he put him on Strattera. We took him off that because it did not work for him. Also in the last 6 months he began to go back to explosive behavior in the evenings. During the month and half we had him off meds to see if the tics would stop and to see a neurologist our household became a living nightmare. We are in the trying different meds phase. He is now on Adderall xr and Seroquel. His focus has improved again but I do not think Seroquel is helping his moods. It is helping him sleep through the night. We do not expect the medicine to cure his behavior but to help his mood stable. I am curious as to how all you parents handle your child that seems to exhibit lack of coping skills. What seems to help?

Everytime I open my e-mail and read posts from this group it amazes me how our stories are all the same. Just slightly different scenarios. My son is 8 years old. We have been through quite a bit. We are on our 4th school. This new class has been a blessing. Because I have experienced the same problem you are having I can tell you that between proper sleep (10 hours per night), proper diet (Eliminate all sweets in the house, I know it's hard but worth it) and most importantly limit setting. My husband and I do not allow our son to abuse us with his outbursts. This takes some training but once you learn the techniques, your household will change. We have tried meds from stimulants to anti depressants to you name it. None of them worked. Pray with your children everyday, on the way to school, when they get home and at night before bed. This helps the bond. We are finally making progress and I have learned so much. God gave us these wonderful children for a reason. He knew He could trust us with them. Don't be overwhelmed by their behavior, learn to work with it and you will conquer the battle.

Thank you for responding. Thank you for reminding me of God's will. Are their specific techniques that you are referring to when you say "once you learn the techniques"?

I've been trying to put into words what we are going through with our 8-year-old daughter and that is it....she doesn't have coping skills. Bedtime is a impossible. She is determined not to go to sleep unless her dad or I are right next to her. We read to her, rub her back, get her to sleep and the minute we are out of there she is in hysterics.

She has always had major fits when something isn't quite right - now there is a name for it....coping skills. That's what we are going to work on. Something new to research and get answers for.

Best wishes to you and wish I had answers : ). I'm looking forward to hearing from others.

>>> put his dish in the sink one would think we asked him to do hard labor.

Boy I hear you there. I have many times gotten to the point of wanting to cringe everytime I know I'm going to have to make a request of my child. It just shouldn't be that way. I also have been praying for help in this area. I have to trust that what I am doing is what God is giving me for right now.

We are doing devotions in Proverbs now since we finished Secrets of the Vine for kids and also Prayer of Jabez for kids. He really loved these because he enjoyed the authors writing style for kids (Bruce Wilkenson) And he really got on fire and was in a positive attitude with those books. But he is completely bored out of his mind with reading Proverbs directly from the Bible and talking about rewards and consequences of sin vs. righteousness.Although some things do really stick out in his mind and he'll say Yikes! I'll be good! I think that he needs to respect the words of God straight from the Bible even though devotionals for kids are nice with all the razzed up fluff and excitement. I don't know maybe I need to go to the Bible book store and look for a devotional on Proverbs for kids. We'll all keep praying for each other.

Yes there are strategies and techniques. The beginning is tough because as a parent we are learning to take back control and the child is struggling to keep it but after 100% consistency and a lot of patience you will see change. It is hard to explain in writing but if you would like to call me directly I can share with you. My husband and I did a training program so there is a lot of information but I could give you the highlights.

The workshop is called "The Total Transformation Program" by James Lehman, MSW, LCSW. It wasn't cheap but well worth it. It has made a huge difference in the way we parent our children and calmed our household down.

I am going to step onto my soapbox for just a moment... hope not to offend anyone... but one of my personal beliefs while raising my 11yo ADHD son is that medication has taken the place of teaching coping skills. We experienced such negative side effects of the medications that were tried...that I decided that I had to start teaching coping skills in place of the medication. Oh, my son still struggles... in school especially... but he is doing better this year than in the past, and it is my hope that next year will be even better.

I have learned to *watch* my son and find creative ways to help him cope in certain situations. The key to that sentence is the word *CREATIVE*. It is always rewarding for me to teach my son a certain coping skill and then see it work for him in 'real life situations'. And a lot of times, what works now won't work in a year, so we have to keep modifying it. We do some role playing... and probably should do more than we do. We talk every day about how his day went, what he did well, what he struggles with. We take a look at the things he is struggling with and then try to find new ways to handle those problems. It is a slow process, and requires a lot of patience and understanding both from myself as a parent, and from his teachers. But everyone is seeing progress with each day... and I have seen tremendous progress when I look back at the struggles we had when he started Kindergarten.

I am never surprised when I see the news stories about college students abusing ADHD medications to help them prepare for finals... that's how they were taught to cope when they were in elementary school! Teaching our kids how to cope now is teaching them a life skill they will need as they enter college and/or the work force. These life skills are not taught in school anymore... and we as parents have got to step up to the plate and start teaching them!

Okay, I'm stepping down! Hope everyone has a great week! Feel free to email me if you need some "creative" ideas! I'm full of them! =)

I need some creative ideas :). I'm pretty conservative when it comes to medication but don't mind giving her concerta since we have seen so much progress in her education. We do need to get rid of the fits though or help her before it gets to that point. Looking forward to hearing from you....she is 8 but often have to tell her she cannot act the way she is acting until she is 15 and has PMS : ).

Well, the first thing I do is watch to see what her trigger points are. Is she throwing a fit because you tell her to do something (right now) or tell her to stop (right now)? If that is the case, I know it has been with my son, I give time for transition. My son doesn't do well with immediate transitions if it does not suit him... so we do a countdown. You need to stop that activity in 5 minutes... you have three minutes left... two minutes... one minute. Okay time to stop what you are doing. By providing this warning time, they can prepare their minds for the transition. I even preface my counting now with the "if you stop before that time I will provide some time of reward".

The key to minimizing the fits is to determine what is causing them. Then work on that! Be on guard to praise your daughter when she does it without a fit! Let her know that you noticed and how much easier it was for the both of you that there wasn't a fit... praise works twice as good as discipline... it's just harder for us to notice it.

My son is often saying to me, "why are you yelling at me?" for example. I'll point out that I asked him once to do XYZ chore, "but you didn't do it when I asked, so I yell. And it worked... so maybe I just start yelling everything!" BUT the next time I ask him to do something and he does it... I tell him that my voice is very thankful that I didn't have to yell for that chore to get done! And because that is humourous for him... he likes hearing it... so he does more before I get to the "yelling point".

Above all else, include your child in the process. I talk to my son ALOT about how his attitude and behavior affects the family. I am always quick to point out how if he asks what he can do to help before he asks if he can 'get on the computer/video games/etc. that I am more likely to let him do that activity. Just this weekend, we went through that, but by Sunday afternoon he was asking if there was anything he could do before asking for permission to do an activity. But I had to remember to reward him by not always assigning a chore when he asked, but instead rewarding his good attitude.

©Copyright 2006 by ADHD of the Christian Kind.