Parenting Your ADHD Child (Part 2)

In Parenting Your ADHD Child (Part 1) we learned about having a vision for our children and having faith to know that the Lord will fulfill what he has purposed for them, what our responsibility is toward our children, briefly studied anger in us and our children, looked at our Father as an example of the perfect parent, and learned how to ask for wisdom from above in raising our children.

In "Parenting Your ADHD Child (Part 2)" we will search the scriptures for answers to many of the questions we have as parents of ADHD children: "How exactly do I discipline my ADHD child?" "How do I respond when my child gets out of control?" "I'm doing everything you say to do and I still don't have victory!" and more. There is hope for victory and success in raising ADHD children for the glory of God!

Before you start:

A prayerful attitude: ask the Lord for insight and understanding of His Word
Gather the following tools:
1. Bible in one or two translations
2. Dictionary (Webster's 1828 or Bible Dictionary recommended) and/or concordance with Hebrew and Greek lexicon
3. Pen and notebook to record your thoughts
4. Copy of this Bible study (permission is granted to print out for personal use)
If you do the Bible study online, after clicking on a Bible verse or definition hyper link, just click on "Back" to return to your place in the study.

Lesson 1: How do I discipline my ADHD child?
Lesson 2: How do I respond when my child is out of control?
Lesson 3: My Child is Still Out of Control! Help!!!
Scripture References and Definitions

Lesson 1: How do I discipline my ADHD child?

This lesson actually deals with the attitude in which we discipline our children. Believe it or not, if our attitudes and motives are not pure, the discipline will be ineffective no matter what methods we use.

1. Read Galatians 6:1. How are we, as Christian parents, to restore our children after they have been caught in any trespass?

2. Define gentleness.

3. The King James Version uses the term "spirit of meekness" in the place of the word "gentleness." Define meekness.

4. Read Ephesians 4:1-3. In what manner does Paul implore Christians to walk? Describe this walk:

a. _______________________________________________

b. _______________________________________________

c. _______________________________________________

d. _______________________________________________

e. _______________________________________________

5. Let's read Ephesians 6:4 again. Do you see exasperation and anger in your children when you discipline them?

6. ACTION: Do you see some areas of change needed in how you discipline your child(ren)? Maybe you need to repent and turn away from harsh discipline you have used in the past. Maybe you are too impatient, intolerant, complaining or nagging. Maybe you need to confess to the Lord some of the shortcomings you see as a parent and ask for change. Take a few minutes for self-examination. It might be helpful to pray Psalm 51. Record what you see needs changing in your parenting:

a. __________________________________________________________________________

b. __________________________________________________________________________

c. __________________________________________________________________________

d. __________________________________________________________________________

"If we say we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:8-9 NASB)

Now confess any areas of sin that were revealed and ask for the Lord to change you.

7. Read Proverbs 18:19. If your children have been offended by any harsh or far-from-gentle discipline, how will they respond to you?

If necessary, go to your child(ren) and ask them to forgive you for being harsh, angry, hurtful, out of control, whatever was revealed in your time of self-examination by the Holy Spirit. There must be restoration of a godly relationship between you and your child(ren) before future correction and training will be received.

Lesson 2: How should I respond when my child is out of control?

Once restoration has taken place in your relationship with your child(ren), you can have greater confidence that they will receive correction when needed. You are better equipped to deal with the storms that you encounter in your ADHD child(ren). We are going to discuss how to react to a child's temper tantrum, outburst, whatever you want to call it. By the way, we are not talking about a little outburst because a child is not getting his way, we are talking about an explosion of emotion accompanied by physical aggression, destruction of property and however else your child's emotions are exhibited.

1. First I want to ask you a question: do you respond or react when your child is out of control? React means "to return an impulse or impression" and respond means "to answer; to reply".

We must endeavor to respond and not react to our children's outbursts. Let us not be drawn into the conflict, but determine to be peacemakers, restorers and reconcilers. Now, how do you do that?

2. Read Proverbs 15:1.

a. What does a gentle answer do?

b. What will a harsh word do?

3. Read Proverbs 15:2. What does the tongue of the wise do?

4. Read Proverbs 15:4.

a. What is a soothing tongue likened to?

b. What will a perverse tongue cause?

I think we can agree that we do not want to crush our children's spirits. Remember Proverbs 18:19.

5. Read Proverbs 15:18.

a. What does a hot-tempered man do?

b. What happens when we are slow to anger?

6. Read Proverbs 20:3.

a.What will happen if you avoid strife?

b. Who will quarrel?

I think we are seeing a pattern here: harsh words, anger and quarreling will cause strife, a crushed spirit and an offended child, but a soothing word, calmness and an apt word are as a healing balm bringing peace and a tree of life. Which do you desire?

Practically speaking, gently directing your child to spend a cooling down time in his/her room is preferable, but if they will not do that, try holding your child in your lap, hugging and caressing them while you use some of those soothing words. Reassure them that you love them even though they are angry, and that you want to help them to feel better. When your child has calmed down, you may have to discipline them for destruction of property (restitution is in order here) or unkind words (they need to apologize).

In my house, my husband is the one who talks to my son after a blow-up and my son always comes to me with an apology, needing reassurance that he is loved. Team-work like this works best, both parents having a role in restoration of the child with all family members.

"Better is a dry morsel and quietness with it than a house full of feasting with strife." Proverbs 17:1

If you have not done so, I recommend doing Lesson 3: Anger of Parenting the ADHD Child (Part 1) for even greater insight into the anger issue.

Lesson 3: My Child is Still Out of Control! Help!!!

There is no formula for parenting your child. You think you are doing everything you know to do and your child is still out of control. But I know God's Word is true and will not return void. I want you to go through the checklist below to make sure you have all bases covered:

Have you asked the Lord for wisdom from above in dealing with your child?
Have you repented for all wrong motives and attitudes toward your child?
Have you gone through restoration toward your child? Was it successful? If not, see below.
Have you been diligent to apply the principles discovered in this Bible study and those previous? If not, repent and move on.
Have you explored the diet connection and ADHD? My children go ballistic after eating certain foods.
Have you been consistent in giving your child their medications (if prescribed)?

1. If it took years to alienate your child(ren), a humble, repentant apology might not be enough to restore your relationship. Read Isaiah 55:6-9 and Isaiah 58:5-6. What might you need to do to bring healing and restoration to your relationship with your child?

2. Read Matthew 17:14-21. What did Jesus say might be necessary for the deliverance of others like this little boy from conditions like his seizures?

3. Let us examine the concept of fasting in more detail. Fasting is simply abstaining from food. It is the denial of our flesh with the goal of being more sensitive to the Spirit of God and getting the Lord's attention. List the benefits of fasting as described in Isaiah 58:8-12:

If you are serious about restoring your relationship with your child, you may need to fast, possibly one day a week for a few months, maybe 3 days in a row, whatever you feel you need to do. While you are fasting, read the Word several times a day and go to a quiet place to seek the Lord and listen for His voice. Cry out for the salvation of your child, for healing in your relationship, for a godly family life...

4. Read 1 Peter 3:7.

a. I know the verse discusses the relationship between a husband and his wife, but how might this same concept hinder your prayers and requests being sent up on behalf of your children?

b. And while we're here, how do you treat your wife (if you are a man)?

This is just something to consider. Once again, repentance and restoration are required for the heavens to be opened.

Scripture References and Definitions

Galatians 6:1 - "Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted." (NASB)

Gentleness - 1) softness of manners; mildness of temper; sweetness of disposition; meekness. 2) kindness; benevolence. 3) tenderness; mild treatment.

Meekness - 1) softness of temper; mildness; gentleness; forebearance under injuries and provocations. 2) in an evangelical sense, humility; resignation; submission to the divine will, without murmuring or peevishness; opposed to pride, arrogance and refractoriness (perverse or sullen obstinacy in opposition or disobedience).

Ephesians 4:1-3 - "Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." (NASB)

Ephesians 6:4 - "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord" (NASB)

Proverbs 18:19 - "An offended brother is more unyielding than a fortified city, and disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel." (NASB)

Proverbs 15:1 - "A gentle words turns away wrath. But a harsh word stirs up anger." (NASB)

Proverbs 15:2 - "The tongue of the wise makes knowledge acceptable; but the mouth of fools spouts folly." (NASB)

Proverbs 15:4 - "A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion in it crushes the spirit." (NASB)

Proverbs 15:18 - "A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but the slow to anger calms a dispute." (NASB)

Proverbs 20:3 - "Keeping away from strife is an honor for a man, but any fool will quarrel." (NASB)

Isaiah 55:6-9 - "Seek the Lord while He may be found; call upon Him while He is near. Let the wicked forsake his way and the unrighteous man his thoughts; and let him return to the Lord, and He will have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon. For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways," declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts." (NASB)

Isaiah 58:5-6 - "Is it a fast like this which I choose, a day for a man to humble himself? Is it for bowing one's head like a reed and for spreading out sackcloth and ashes as a bed? Will you call this a fast, even an acceptable day to the Lord? 'Is this not the fast which I choose, to loosen the bonds of wickedness, to undo the bands of the yoke, and to let the oppressed go free and break every yoke?'" (NASB)

Matthew 17:14-21 - "When they came to the crowd, a man came up to Jesus, falling on his knees before Him and saying, 'Lord, have mercy on my son, for he is a lunatic and is very ill; for he often falls into the fire and often into the water. I brought him to Your disciples, and they could not cure him.'

And Jesus answered, 'You unbelieving and perverted generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring him here to Me.' And Jesus rebuked him, and the demon came out of him, and the boy was cured at once. Then the disciples came to Jesus privately and said, "Why could we not drive it out?"

And he said to them, 'Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you. But this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting." (NASB)

Isaiah 58:8-12 - "Then your light will break out like the dawn, and your recovery will speedily spring forth; and your righteousness will go before you; the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.

Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry, and He will say, 'Here I am.' If you remove the yoke from your midst, the pointing of the finger and speaking wickedness. And if you give yourself to the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then your light will rise in darkness. And your gloom will become like midday.

And the Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire in scorched places, and give strength to your bones; and you will be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water whose waters do not fail. Those from among you will rebuild the ancient ruins; you will raise up the age-old foundations; and you will be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of the streets in which to dwell." (NASB)

1 Peter 3:7 - "You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered." (NASB)

Definitions are from the Noah Webster's 1828 American Dictionary of the English Language.