ADHD of the Christian Kind - List Archives: Chores

Chores

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Bible Study: Helping Your Child Deal with Serving

Here is a Sample Schedule and Chore List for ADD/ADHD Children

RE: Motivation: Ticket System

I sat down and did a quick rough draft of what I would consider good motivation for my kids. This type of system could be very flexible and you can interchange what it takes to earn tickets as well as what sort of privaledges would work for your children.

The main theory behind this is that I want them to know that they need to help around the house to be supportive and helpful within the family unit. At the same time, I would like them to realize that everything has a cost and that cost may not necessarily be money, but may be time. As parents we put out a lot of effort to provide the best life we can for our kids; and we work hard to give them what we have. Essentially nothing is really "free". I sure hope this isn't sounding too overbearing, because that is really not the intent I just wanted to explain why privileges versus treats or allowance. The other benefit to privileges is that generally they will not cost as much as special treats, presents, and or an allowance.

You will want to make sure that they have an opportunity to earn an amount of tickets that is at least equal if not greater than the amount that they would be allowed to spend. I say allowed because one of my examples is tv time, but there would be a daily limit on how much tv could actually be watched. So, 1 ticket for 1/2 hour of tv, but that is also the daily limit of tv.

This is the hard part you will want to be very consistent on how they get the tickets. Is it just for completed work and chores?, are they allowed to be reminded?, are they allowed to fuss or groan about the work they must do? My ground rules state that there is no fussing or groaning allowed. I don't mind reminding them, but I will not nag them about it, one reminder should do it.

I guess the hardest part about this is the fact that if they have not earned enough tickets for a field trip/outing then how would you handle it. Is there somewhere that that one child could be while you take the other children? I know with _____ that this part of it will probably be tested at least once, and if I don't take _____ and leave _____ either at home with his dad or a babysitter then I won't make my point. There was at least one field trip that he didn't get to go on last year at school because he didn't have all his work done. So I am sure that he will test the waters with me at least once. If this is not something that can be carried out then I wouldn't require tickets for a field trip/outing.

The other thing that I strongly believe in is not just using rewards. _____ is the type that will say heck with the rewards I am not going to do it anyway. Well, he will still have to complete his daily work/chores even if it takes all day. I don't know if all ADD children are this way, but sometimes _____ just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel as far as rewards go and that was a problem we were having with his school. If I can stay consistent with this I don't believe it would take very long for all this to sink in and make an impact. I am definitely not saying that this will always be easy, but after the initial testing of rules and boundaries it should be a lot easier.

Here is an example of what I came up with as far as tickets earned and what they could be used for:

1 ticket each for five chores and five academic subjects = 10 daily (when not doing academic work you could easily change this to 2 tickets each for chores or it may be that you would not need as many usage tickets
1 ticket for 1/2 hour of tv (max allowed for day of their own choosing)
4 tickets for 1 hour of computer time (max allowed per day)
4 tickets for 2 hours of swimming (this could fluctuate time wise and not be every day)
5 tickets for a weekly field trip/outing ~~ for a total of 9 daily tickets with the one daily extra going for the field trip.
I heard a suggestion once that children could also use tickets for eating something other that what was being served for the family if it was something they didn't care for. Don't know if I really care for this one, but it is a thought.

Now you would probably want to make sure they had the ability to earn more than what they needed by at least one a day so that if they are having a bad day and miss getting one of their tickets it doesn't mess up the entire week. I know that with _____ if this happened on a monday if would give up for the rest of the week. I would also probably make sure that if they were short of tickets on one day, that the field trip/outing tickets came out first and that they would have to chose one of their other privileges for a shortened period of time or loss altogether.

RE: Chores

Currently, for the last two weeks of June the kids have three chores each daily. _____, age 8, makes his bed, takes out the trash, and either vacuums the upstaires or clears the dinner table on an every other day basis. _____, age 6, makes her bed, sorts the laundry and loads it in machine, and either vacuums the downstairs or clears the dinner table on an every other day basis. I thought I would reassess the chores at the end of June and see about maybe adding more or possible changing them if need be. I must get myself more organized, and then I am sure there will be more things that they can do to help. If you have any suggestions on age appropriate chores they would defintely be appreciated. I am trying to keep the number or chores even for each so that neither one of them will feel singled out.

RE: Motivation: Ticket source

The tickets can be bought at office supply types of stores (Office Depot, Staples, etc), you might also find them at the club stores (price club, sams club, etc). They are basically just raffle tickets and you might even find them at the grocery store or a drug store (thrify, sav on, payless etc). I was thinking about putting the kids' names on the back of them when I passed them out no discourage confusion in whose tickets are whose, and I had this many types of arguements - and then you can just reuse them. The purpose of this was that you would only have to buy one roll and that would last a very long time.

RE: Motivation: Chips

One thing that I wanted to respond to was the ticket system. We used something very simular. We had tokens, just little bingo chips that I bought at the store. It was GREAT! We were able to change the things that _____ was required to do to earn them at any time and also the store was a list posted with things that he could buy. We had things in the store that cost me something like taking him to McDonalds and others like a back rub or a story read. We've sort of passed through the need for that and now real money for chores works well, unfortunately. I highly recommend the system though.

RE: Motivation System

you know i've been reading this post with you a lot and I really have to say what is on my mind. When I was first dealing with _____ in his twos stage I though I was losing my mind and that I was an awful mother and incapable of being one....I'm sure you've all felt that with your ADD/ADHD kids at one time or another....they are good at that. Well I signed up for a 16 week course that the state of Colorado gives it is called the nurturing class. We learned so much in that class about ourselves, parents, our children...everything. We had homework everyweek which was basically to do something for ourselves etc ....but they used a lot of videos tapes in the course to stress points. One of the main people they used was a lady named Barbara Colorosa...she is wonderful!! She is an ex-nun and is very spiritual. well just recently I bought a book by her and I think it is worth reading. It is called "Kids are worth it" and I agree with something she says in the book. She talks about building inner respect in the children so that they will want to behave. She says also that these token system teaches the kids that when they behave they should always get something. Well that isn't always true in life. I see that happening in Greg cuz I used to use that system.. now he will say mom can I have a treat or do this or whatever....I've been good etc.....Now I have to tell him sometimes that he can't have it and that he should want to behave just because it makes us get along better etc....I don't like having to do that. Just something to think about though.

RE: Motivation System

I see that happening in _____ cuz I used to use that system.. now he will say mom can I have a treat or do this or whatever....I've been good etc.....Now I have to tell him sometimes that he can't have it and that he should want to behave just because it makes us get along better etc....I don't like having to do that. Just something to think about though.

RE: Disrespect to Mother

My 14 yr. old has never responded as well to me as to his father. Even though we spanked and punished and corrected and taught, he still continues to this day to say things to me that he would never say to his dad. Sometimes his dad will say to me, "Don't let him get by with saying that to you," but what does that mean? I have never been able to get him to totally stop - only get a little better. I constantly correct him (it's exhausting!). Should I just be glad that he has the respect of his dad and the self control to not talk to his dad in the same way and hope that this will translate to a healthy fear of the Lord?

RE: Disrespect to Mother

I have this same problem with my almost 9 year old. He will say things to me that he wouldn't even think of saying to his father. I really don't know the answer to this one. I to correct, and let him know that what he is saying is wrong, but the bottom line as you said was that even though it gets better it doesn't stop.

I have had luck with stopping a particular phrase at a time, but then another one will pop up the next time. Our latest experience was with calling me mean. I told him that was the same as calling me a name and that we don't allow name calling. That stopped pretty quickly.

RE: Reward System

After reading different opinions on the reward system I feel compelled to comment. I personally think that moderation is the key. None of us likes to work for nothing. We like praise for work well done. Of course it would be great if our kids loved to do school work and chores just because they love us, but we all know that is a little unrealistic. When I slave over a meal and my husband compliments me, I'm in heaven.

Likewise kids need praise. But my ADHD son seems to need something more tangible. Something he can hold and count and use to purchase things. I'm not opposed to working just for the good of a family. At our house we all do things just because we are a part of a family, raking leaves, shoveling snow, dishes each night and folding laundry.etc. We have phased out or maybe I should say outgrown the reward system at our house but while we used it it was successful in achieving the goal. It was incentive and everyone likes to be motivated, it's a good feeling whether it be compliments, hugs and kisses, tickets and tokens or money. Our son is now motivated to mow lawns for the neighborhood, blow snow and other odd jobs. He earns money for spending, saving and tithing. I don't feel that I encouraged a bad habit by rewarding him for work he did with tokens at a younger age as long as we balanced it out with responsiblities at the same time. Do I make any sense? Balance and moderation.

Parenting is the tuffest job in the world and we mothers and fathers of ADD kids have got the hardest job of all. From what I gather by reading what all of you parents on this loop write, I know that this is the finest group of parents around... because they care enough to work at it. And of course, they're leaning on the best there is for advice and hope, Our Dear Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

RE: The ADHD Parenting Handbook - Motivation System

I am currently reading "The ADHD Parenting Handbook" written by Colleen Alexander-Roberts and she addresses this topic in a way that seems to confirm what many of you had already said. I found the following quote particularly interesting and thought I'd share:

"In our home it was play money. WE have a chart with household rules on it. Each rule is worth a specific amount, anywhere frmo one dollar to twenty. Each time our son follows a rule, he receives the agreed amount. The money he earns is placed in an envelope for one week. During the week he must spend this money. We charge him five dollars an hour to play Nintendo or Sega Genesis, two dollars an hour to ride his bike, ten dollars an hour for playing games on the computer, three dollars to watch a rented video, and two dollars to watch an hour of television. Every Saturday, he turns in what is left of the money he's earned. For every ten dollars in play money he turns in, he receives one dollar in cash. He may spend this money as he wishes or he may save it for something special he wants to buy. In this case, once we give a reward (the play money, for instance) we never take the reward away. Instead, for noncompliance we might use timie-out, take away a privelege, or assign an extra household chore. We do not take away what he has already earned.

"We have used this play-money system very successfully now for more than six months. The original household rules were replaced by new house rules two months after we initiated this system because we had achieved the desired effect. However, no reward system works forever, so be ready to substitute another system when needed. Always seek professional help if reward systems do not work with your child."

RE: Chores Motivation

Does anyone else have trouble getting their ADD children to help around the house? All _____ want to do is lay and watch TV or play games on the computer. I am thankful that we do not have a Nintendo anymore, because I could hardly get him away from it. He acts like it kills him to clean his room or do anything to help at home. Is it ADD, him, parenting. the age, or what??

RE: Chores Motivation

I have a solution for the not helping out and watching too much Tv. _____ has a certain amt of chores he has to do. He earns fake money depending on how the job is done.(just like real life.......poor jobs have to be done over......excellent jobs get bonus) He can earn more fake money by doing things that are not his usual jobs. This fake money is used to buy TV time, overnight guests,special food items.....anything you can think of. If the jobs go undone I don't say a word I just pay a sibling the money _____ would have earned. Yes it was ugly at first when _____ sat in his room while the others watched tv but he quickly decided to do the jobs.