ADHD of the Christian Kind - List Archives: Child Training

Child Training

NOTICE: The following posts are taken from the Christian ADHD Alternative Treatment List. The names, e-mail addresses and locations of all parties involved have been removed to protect their privacy. The posts have been used with permission, but are copyrighted by ADHD of the Christian Kind.

Your son sounds very much like my son (5.5-ADHD). When your son says he "forgot", he is being truthful. What you are dealing with here is impulsivity. He is acting before thinking, hence the forgetting. No, it is not a good excuse, but definitely a reason why.

You just have to continue to teach him and use consequences. It may take 10 times longer for him to "get it" than a non-ADD child, but he will eventually get it.

Don't forget to teach him the Word in each new situation. Proverbs are great for finding verses that relate to certain infractions. There are even books out there that make the connections for you: Proverbs for Parenting, Training in Righteousness and more.

I use vigilance in my home, watching my children like a hawk. I have found that deflecting a situation is much better than diffusing it. I don't allow my children in certain situations (not allowed out front without me, not all allowed in one of the children's bedrooms where I can't watch them, have to stop playing a game after three or four games BEFORE someone throws the board across the room).

I teach the same things over and over in my home; fight the urge to always sound disgusted and impatient with them. They really are not getting it yet.

One of the things that I am teaching my children is that they are never allowed to touch another child. Another is that if they want something another child has, they must ask politely--no grabbing allowed even if the other child took something without asking. I typically intervene in these situations, but they must use a kind voice and ask with "Please!". Do my children do this on their own? No. But as soon as I ask, "What is the right way to ask for that toy back?" the children change the expression on their face, and ask with a please on the end. They have to then wait for the other child to give them the toy--they are not allowed to reach for it and grab it in the middle. This may seem so simple to most parents of non-ADD children; their children seem to naturally know the proper way to do things, but not so with my ADD children.

Sorry this is so long. We need to expect the behavior we see and not become frustrated or disgusted with it. Patience is definitely called for in parenting an ADD child.

This reminds me of something I have discovered over the years. It seems so obvious, but I think we assume too much of all children -- especially ADD/HD kids.

I spent too much time in the past telling my kids what NOT to do and not enough time telling them what to do. Many kids learn from modeling parents' behavior. *IF* we behave most of the time, they can use us as an example. But sometimes, we do not do what we want to teach :-( . Or sometimes kids who have a hard time learning things just don't notice.

Things improved vastly in my house when I made an exaggerated game out of SHOWING my kids what to do. Example: Rather than the usual yelling "I TOLD you NOT to barge into your brother's room and take his things!" I walk the child to the room and do an exaggerated example of knocking on the door frame and asking in a sickeningly sweet way if I could "Oh, please, Oh please borrow your red crayon?!" If you exaggerate it enough, both the 'guilty" and the offended child end up laughing so hard they can't fight anymore. Then, when the offender has to act it out himself, the persecuted one feels rewarded AND MUCH learning has happened. You might even find an offender catching themselves just before sibling retribution and over-acting for humor to get themselves out of trouble with their sibs.

My psychologist friend says that you must replace a negative behavior with a positive one in order to get rid of it. (Reminds me of the verses that talk about needing to fill the void of removed sins with something, not just a vacuum that Satan will quickly come to occupy). His example (the psychologist's NOT Satan's!) ;-] Instead of telling your child not to touch the stray dog, tell him to come get you if they see it, so you can take a picture of it. Give the child something to fill the void!