ADHD of the Christian Kind - List Archives: Bullies

Bullies!

NOTICE: The following posts are taken from the Christian ADHD Parenting List - elem-adhd. The names, e-mail addresses and locations of all parties involved have been removed to protect their privacy. The posts have been used with permission, but are copyrighted by ADHD of the Christian Kind.

Hello all. We are currently dealing with BULLIES! My son would rather let kids pick on him and beat him up so he can have friends rather than defend himself, or as my hubby puts it "knocks their block off". I am tossed about what the Christian thing to do is. I don't like fighting, but I don't want my son getting beaten up out there.

Yesterday, one of the neighbor kids slapped my son in the face. I called my son back to the house and asked what happened he told me and I instructed my son to go back over there and "knock his block off", because that's what my husband wants him to do. Me personally, I would rather go grab that kid and take him to his mother, but she wouldn't do anything, She doesn't care what's going on outside to begin with, as long as her kids are out of the house.

My son has ADD/ADHD so his self esteem is already low and kids are gonna be worse in school. I just want to be teaching him what's right. My hubby says, the Lord never told us to be door mats, which i think is true, any advice?

I know how you feel. My son was also bullied for a long time and a lot of it happened at school. If my son did anything to defend himself the principal would discipline him and not the bully. I would ask him why and he said he didn't see anyone doing anything to my son, but did see what my son did to them. He would come home with injuries but amazingly, no one had seen anything. I told my son, that just because the world was against him didn't mean every one was. He still had his family who believed in him.

One suggestion is to call the police. They probably can't do anything but scare the daylights out of the bullies, but sometimes that's enough. Or Your son can "knock their blocks off", which may actually gain him more respect in the end.

Bullies are trying to gain control/dominance over their victims. When your son asserts himself he will no longer be a victim, but make sure he is reminded often of how he felt powerless against them or you risk him becoming the very thing he's battling.

thanks...my son hates to have to hurt someone back..he gets more upset at the fact that he has to go hurt someone than the fact that they hurt him. It's good to see his kind heart..but now it seems to be taken advantage of.....thanks again.

My son is the same way, I ended up calling the police. That was when the one bully shoved my son so hard it gave him a slight concussion and severe whiplash. After I called the police the kid stopped. When I called and explained what happened the officer said that the boy was a minor and that the only thing they could do is put the fear of being sent away for a long time away from their parents. It worked. Maybe you should talk to the parents first and let them know, if you have a good relationship, before you call the police. You don't want to damage you friendship if they would be willing to take care of it. The if it doesn't stop, call the police. Then you can at least tell them they were told of your intentions far enough in advance to do something about it.

A book called No More Bullies by Frank Peretti

There's also another one called The Wounded Spirit and there's something about him and bullying on the focus on the family website http://www.family.org.

When my son was younger 3 boys kicked and beat him up at school. He didn't want to fight back because he was scared of being suspended. Deep down I'm sure it was more than that. We spent a lot of time talking about respect from others coming from self respect. If people walk all over you, two things happen you loose your self respect and others loose their respect for you. The hardest thing I found to explain to him that there is a way to not allow people to walk over you without fighting. The funniest thing is my Luke is a huge kid. He has always been my baby huey, he's now 5'7" and weights 135lbs @ 12. I explained about body language and would play and practice at home. Just to lighten some of the frustration.

One other thing fighting is not always the best way to resolve issues if fact I think it is a last resort, but there comes a time in a boy's life when he needs to be a man. Luke is now 12 and he continues to learn the best way to handle conflicts and he still has never been in a fight. The difference is he somehow knows he could "knock their head off" if he wanted to, he just chooses not to want to. That's a good feeling.